Reflections on painting pottery....and kittens!! :-D

This is going to be a different sort of blog post. For on thing, it's a day late (sorry about that). For another, it's not about the art I usually do. 

A few weeks ago, I had the chance to go to a "paint your own pottery" place with a few friends. Since coming up with an idea on the spot is hard, I worked out a design ahead of time, a little rabbit sitting on a crescent moon. Which brings me to Reflection 1: don't try to paint a complicated design (like a rabbit sitting on a crescent moon) on to a piece of pottery. You will save yourself so much stress!

Anyway, I met up with my friends at the pottery place and picked out something to paint; a cute teacup and saucer. After spending way too much time picking out my colors, I sat down to paint. That's when I realized that my design folly. I spent the next two and a half hours stressing out over whether it would turn out, till we had to leave because the shop closed. Which brings me to Reflection 2: if you're going to try to paint something complicated, don't start it two hours before the store closes. It's not enough time. 

Here's how the teacup and saucer looked when I left the shop.

I have to say, I was extremely discouraged. I felt like I'd wasted time and money and hadn't even had fun doing it! Jon was a trooper and put up with me as I lamented the whole way home. He also assured me that my pieces weren't as bad as I thought they were and that they would look much better after they were fired. I knew he was probably right, but had a hard time believing it.

I spent the next few weeks purposefully not thinking about the teacup, until I finally got it back. Here's how it looks post firing.

Which brings me to Reflection 3: the firing process really does wonders. Even if you do everything wrong, like I did, you can still end up with something nice! It's a magical, ugly duckling-like transformation!

And thus concludes my pottery painting story. Lesson learned; don't make things unnecessarily  complicated and don't stress out so much! Hopefully I remember that if I ever paint pottery again!

One last thing, Jon and I got KITTENS this past Monday!!! :-D Yuna is the grey tiger and Koji is the black; they're both adorable little trouble makers and we love them so much already!! ^_^

onward and upward,

Bethany

Abstract painting

I'm going to share something a bit different today. I've been developing several story projects, which is very exciting, but very draining on creative energies. To combat that brain drain, I've found myself being drawn to forms of abstract painting. For me, abstract painting is about the act of guiding the paint rather than controlling it. There are still some decisions to make, but allowing the colors to mix and spread on their own is my main focus. And when you're knee deep in decisions about character, story structure, themes, and the like, it feels wonderful to sit back and let the paint do its thing.

(Watercolor washes I used for a project)

I have this huge canvas from college that I painted over and started working on. Right now, it sort of reminds me of a cluster of plants or flowers, but that might change.

I love the paths that oil paint takes when it's thinned down. It's like dozens of tiny rivers, all meandering and mixing together.

Abstract painting is kind of a subjective topic and I don't pretend to be an expert on it. These paintings may not mean much to other people, nor will they ever be grand and important masterpieces. But that's ok. For me, they are an act of letting go, of sitting back and observing, of embracing happy accidents. And if that's all they end up being, that's enough.

onward and upward,
Bethany

Miscellaneous Art Stuff

Today's post is a bit scattered. I didn't really have a finished project to blog about, so I rounded up some random stuff from a couple different projects.

I did this quote for my lovely mother-in-law's birthday and while I'm happy with how some of it turned out (like the little flowers and vines on either side), there are some things I'd change if I took a second pass at it. 

Then there are these orchid drawing/painting/study things. Orchids were harder to draw than I expected. :-/ 

And finally, I have these Fennec fox doodles for an illustration I want to do soon. I still haven't figured out how best to simplify and stylize them yet. 

To be honest, none of this stuff is really my "best work". Some of it didn't turn out like I'd hoped and some of it just isn't finished. All of it came up short. 

In some ways, coming up short is almost worse than failing epically. When your failure is undeniably spectacular, you're almost forced to laugh at it and move on so you don't get pulled into a crushing cycle of despair and hopelessness. And then there's all those quotes by famous people about how failing is good for you, ect. (Personally, I wish there were more quotes by famous people who said “Yeah, failing stinks. I get it.) But when you don't fail epically, when all your efforts are almost, but not quite, something you can be proud of, that's when it's hard. Then, your work is simply mediocre, lukewarm, and forgettable. And, even if other people think what you did was good, you still have to a gnawing sense of disappointment in yourself. 

But the truth is, some days are just mediocre. That's a part of the art making process. And when those days come, it's just as important to show up and try our best as it is on the days when life is wonderful. Maybe even more so.

So, even though today wasn't my best day, I'm determined to show up and keep trying. Because eventually, all that trying, all that mediocrity will add up to something good and make the slow, tedious journey 100% worth while.

onward and upward,

Bethany

Reflections on my college artwork: collage

Part of the purpose of this blog is so I can have a place to post my latest artwork. But today, I thought it would be neat to show some of my old stuff from college. The first subject I want to share is collage.

Collage is a media near and dear to my heart. For those of you unfamiliar with the process, it involves creating art pieces from various materials; paper, cardboard, magazines, and any found object that can be attached to your desired surface. Despite how influential collage is to my art, I didn't really get into it till my junior year. Since there weren't any classes or instructors in the topic at my art school, I had to learn it on my own.

I realized early on that collage is a highly intuitive process. It still follows a lot of "art rules" like balance, form, negative space, and color harmony, but those rules manifest themselves in completely different ways from say, drawing, illustration, or traditional painting. It's more about the materials themselves and how they are arranged. Collage takes mundane, ignored objects and transforms them into something unexpected and beautiful. 

My senior art show featured three white shadow boxes and two panels, one blue and one green.

In retrospect, I can see that my early work is a lot less experienced. I filled most of the space with a patchwork of small, paper pieces, creating something that's pretty chaotic. While the artworks still have a lot of visual interest, they feel somewhat incoherent to me now. As I learned more about the media, I gained a better sense of how to create less overwhelming collages by using a variety of paper sizes. 

Looking at these early collage attempts, I'm reminded of the chance art school offers to think big. You have more freedom to try extravagant, inconvenient projects without having to worry as much about the consequences. Now, I have to consider storage space and what I'm going to do with my artwork after it's done. While I miss the opportunities to go crazy in the name of artistic exploration, being forced to take responsibility for the aftermath of my art projects has helped me evaluate which ideas are actually worth pursuing. 

Thanks for letting me share! There are a few more pieces from college I'm planning on share, so stay tuned for that. 

onward and upward,

Bethany

Painting: Guiding Chaos

Today I decided to share a little bit about my painting process. I realized a few weeks ago that there is very specific method, dare I say, style, to how I paint. I've talked a little bit about my process in the past, but now I want to go into a little more depth about my painting philosophy.

Painting, for me, is more about guiding chaotic forces than it is meticulously putting in each tiny detail myself. In college, I discovered, quite by accident, how fascinating the paint became when I watered it down and let it run together on the canvas, The colors, textures, and patterns that formed added more depth and beauty to my image than I could have ever put there myself. I began incorporating this technique into my pieces, going back to add structure and details to the forms and subtracting what I didn't want after the paint had dried.

There are some projects that I can't use this method on and I have to be more controlling with my brush strokes. And when I do chose to go with a more chaotic approach, it's a bit nerve-wracking to step back and let the paint do it's thing. Sometimes the colors don't look right, or I get lines where I don't want them to be. But those are the things I can change later and the happy accidents are well worth the risk.  

As with all approaches to painting, there is a danger of falling into repetition and mediocrity. I sometimes worry that, if I rely too much on this technique, my paintings will become predictable. That is the double edged sword of style; what can set you apart from others can also keep you from growing. But, so long as I am aware of this danger, I can keep pushing myself to experiment and try new things. Although 3 years of experience have made me competent enough to try bigger, more challenging paintings, they have by no means made me a master at this craft. I hope to continue improving and allow my method to improve with me.

Thanks for letting me share some of my thoughts about painting. I'm thinking of taking the advice of my friend Lauren and writing a few reflective posts about my works from college. Stay tuned for more about that!

onward and upward,

Bethany

The "Too Awesome to Use" item

Have you ever gotten something super cool and said to yourself, "I need to save this for a special occasion."? This happens to me fairly often. I buy or receive a fancy notebook or an art or crafty item and I squirrel it away till that magical, “just right” moment comes along. I've been doing this ever since I was a kid. I would spend hours looking through craft books, dreaming of the day when I would finally make a particular project. And consequently, I didn't spend much time actually making the crafts I fantasized about.

The trouble with this sort of thinking is that those “just right” moments rarely make themselves apparent. As you put off and hold back for whatever reason, that super cool thing never ends up getting used. It sits on a shelf or in a box gathering dust, a monument to what the Never Was.

This phenomenon is refereed to as “the item too awesome to use” in video gaming culture. You find a secret treasure chest with the most epic, powerful potion or trinket ever and you spend the rest of the game not using it for fear of “wasting” it. You get creamed by enemies and die more often than you need to and once you've finally beaten the game, your epic item is still sitting in your inventory, untouched.

Once I finally realized how depressing this was, I started doing the opposite of my stockpiling tendencies; actually using the cool stuff I had.

Now, I'm not perfect at this. I still tend to hoard things a little longer than I should. But I have gotten better at recognizing when I just need to set my fears about “wasting” or “ruining” aside and go for it. Example: This week, I came across a set of blank, wooden Russian nesting dolls.

 I'd bought them a few years ago and packed them away, waiting till I had the “perfect” idea. But, after seeing them again, instead of putting the dolls back in storage, I start doodling on them. No plan. No epic vision. Just doodles. And you know what, I think they turned out pretty nice.

Could I have done something cooler or more interesting if I'd waited longer? Possibly. But I've realized I'm more disappointed by the thought of a house full of unused supplies than a house full of not quite perfect projects. And, if I get another, better idea for these Russian nesting dolls, I can always go buy another set from the craft store. (You'd be surprised at how often you can just “buy” another super special item if you mess up the first one.)

Now, I'm not saying you should never save anything for a special occasion. But be careful not to let the “special someday” steal from present opportunities. You have time and resources now. That's pretty special in and of itself.

onward and upwards,

Beth

Destruction vs. Documentation

Last night, I was in an apathetic, destructive mood. Like the "take a baseball bat and mindlessly break everything you own, then set fire to the rubble" kind of mood. No, you don't need to call a doctor for me; I'm blaming this one on hormones. Anyway, instead of decimating all my worldly possessions, I decided to try something more productive, purging old sketchbooks.

This is the first time I've sat down and gotten rid of old sketchbook drawings; I found myself a bit conflicted at times. And, since I seem to be having a really hard time putting all my thoughts into readable, blog post form, I'm going to write a vs. list instead.

1. Shredding badly rendered images is therapeutic. vs. All art, even the bad stuff, has some inherent value.

2. You can't keep every single thing you ever drew. vs. Documenting your progress as an artist is helpful, encouraging and may be interesting to others someday.

3. The world does not need to see ever single mistake you've ever made. vs. Bad artwork is an honest refection of your skills and ideas at the time it was created.

4. Destroying bad art work boosts your artistic average. vs. Bad artwork is part of who you are.

Like I said, conflicting stuff. In the end though, it's all about balancing the two mindsets and coming to a compromise. I got rid of some of the more pointless sketches while still keeping the stuff which reflects my artistic development, good, bad and ugly.

sincerely,

Bethany

Post Project Blues

I've been feeling kind of down in the dumps the past few days. A lot of things are probably to blame, but I think the big culprit is Post Project Blues.

Last Friday, I sent my first little story project, Broken Robot, to a small group of close friends and family members.To be honest, I felt kind of nervous, but I stomped through the doubts, wrote a heartfelt, semi-sentimental introductory email and sent Broken Robot off to his first audience. Everyone I've talked to loved it and had lots of positive things to say about it.

I should be happy about all this, and I am.

However, in order to prevent burn out, I'm taking a break from Broken Robot for a bit, which leaves me without a project. Life without a project means life without motivation and structure and purpose  It means sitting on the couch, staring off into space wondering what to do with yourself. It means feeling like I've failed at life because I didn't make anything today.

You can see why this state of being could be problematic. It's one of the difficulties of not having an outside job; no projects basically equals unemployment plus apathy. Everything becomes difficult, including writing this blog post.

I'm not saying all this because I have some wonderful "cure your lack of inspiration in 6 simple steps" deal. This emotional phase is part of the artistic process, just like the super motivated, euphoric "idea high" you get when you first start an art project. Realizing this took me awhile, but now that I know it I'm (getting) better about not spiraling into a hopeless despair. And, to be honest, times like these force me to accept that I am more than the sum of my accomplishments. I know that in my head, but I am still learning to believe it.

So yeah, I'm trying to make the most of this "in between time". I've been working on my drawing basics; facial expressions, body types, feet and *shudder* hands. At some point, I want to post some highlight from Broken Robot. Maybe when I start working on it again.

sincerely,
me

The Ever Changing World

Last week, last Friday to be exact, Dresden, one of my very best friends gave birth to her first child. (Even typing that feels weird.) She and her husband Dan decided to keep the gender a secret till the baby arrived, so everyone was kept guessing right up to when Calvin Christopher showed up. I've had a week now to adjust to this news, but it still feels so strange.

In general, I'm fairly indifferent to babies. Don't get me wrong, they're great, but I'm definitely more drawn to small, fluffy animals. However, all of that changes when the baby belongs to one of your closest friends. Suddenly, I am awed by this new, little person who has entered the world. Suddenly, my friend has become the mother to a son! I feel like I'm entering a new stage of life and I'm not even the one with the baby!

The world has shifted under my feet and I am still trying to adjust. Change is always a bit unnerving, especially when it pushes you further into adulthood. I pretty sure that I'll never actually become a real grown-up, but somehow that doesn't excuse me from going through all the grown-up things. Still, I'm doing my best to flow with whatever season life decides I've arrived at. It may just take some time.

sincerely,
me

P. S. If this post comes out disjointed and ramblish, I blame it on being sick. In fact, I should probably be sleeping right now.

On Being Brave

I've never considered myself brave. I always looked up to the plucky, spitfire heroines of books and movies who could stand against anything. They were the girls I wished I was but could never really be. But recently, I realized something about bravery; it only exists in the presence of fear. If there isn't any fear involved in the situation, then there isn't anything to overcome. You can't be brave until you've first been afraid.

True bravery isn't bounding carelessly forward into the jaws of danger and certain death. It's not letting the things that scare your socks off stop you from moving forward. That kind of courage doesn't look as nice and shiny as the warrior princess or super hero variety, but it's legit bravery none the less.

sincerely,
me