One of the many things I've been trying
to sort out recently is my blogging practices. I've been reading up
on blogging tips and lessons. All that advice has help me identify
(or re-identify) some problems I'm coming across.
The first problem is that I'm
interested in too many things. This means I end up trying to make my
blog about all those things. I love fashion blogs and craft blogs,
but after playing around with those to subjects, I've discovered I'm
not really that "type" of blogger. This has been hard for
me because I want to do everything, which as we all know isn't
possible.
What I've finally come to peace with is
that I don't need to force my blog to be about everything. I can talk
about the stuff I like, but I don't have to make those things the
focus of my blog. That doesn't mean I can't talk about/feature some
of those topics, but that stuff isn't why I'm blogging. The real
reason I'm blogging is to share my art and some of my life with the
world.
This brings me to my next and bigger
problem with blogging; I'm really introverted. Like, really
introverted. When I first started posting stuff on the Internet, I
was hoping it would be easier to be myself online than it was in the
real world. Unfortunately, it seems that being myself is something
I'm not naturally good at, no matter where I am. (Odd thought there,
it's not natural to be yourself.)
Anyway, part of that comes from not
wanting to turn this blog into a file of complaints. There are plenty
of boring or annoying details about my life that the world can do
without. However, some of it also comes from an inherent fear of
being transparent about myself. I'm pretty bad at both reaching out
to others and letting people see my life. I still think blogging can
help me overcome those inner fears, but for that to happen, I'll need
to make a more concerted effort about being a little more open.
On the topic of being open, I also
decided I wanted to share another aspect of my life I've been working
through lately. For the past few months, I've been struggling with
anxiety and panic attacks. I'm not sure how "serious" it
is, but it did progress to the point that I started seeing a
councilor about a month ago. Since then, it's gotten a lot better.
I'm learning how to manage/fight the fear and panic when it comes as
well as figure out how it got there in the first place. Hopefully,
with enough practice, the anxiety will one day stop being a part of
my thought patterns. I held off mentioning it till now because I
figured it fit the "personal detail" category and, to be
honest, I was a little embarrassed by it. At this point though, it
will be simpler if I just talked about how things are going rather
than try and dance awkwardly around the issue.
Well, that's all I have to say for the
moment. Not too bad for someone with misgivings about being
vulnerable. I'm not entirely sure where my blogging will go from
here, although I can probably guarantee it's going to be messy at
times. The trick will be figuring out how to keep going even when
things are messy, just like with the rest of life.
sincerely,
me
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